We constantly mock the statement “new year, new me.” Because we know that changes happen gradually, and not just when the clock strikes midnight. Still I ask myself: why do we lack faith in the promises we make to ourselves?
2015. Glasses clink together behind the joyful cries and celebratory kisses. We invite Change into our living room, but do not offer her anything to drink. Excuse our manners, we are too busy inside our own frantic intoxication. So eager for a fresh start, without permission to forgive our past. With so much unresolved, who needs a resolution?
I guess I left changing up to chance. Living in a world of scene kids who were often let inside before me, because they knew “somebody”. I began to wonder who I really knew. Acquainted with most of the lost boys who don’t own any house keys, until some powder hits the table. Yes, I’ve met you many times…Flying from Chinatown to College, where the lines are blurred between work, home, and play. I still love this world, when I think about how much brighter the colours seem. But the lows, were even lower. A world where everyone was welcome to stay the night, but no one was obligated to the clean up mess.
2017. To my own astonishment, there was no Neverland. Sometimes I make childish mistakes, but I am growing up. My skin has shed, only fast enough as my body could outgrow it. My own resistance was the only thing stopping me. And as my own home became displaced, I made home in new surroundings. I used to be numb in the background noise, now I find peace in the quiet. I used to take pride in my ability to hold back my emotions. But here I am, swimming in my emotions. Allowing my passions to crash into my ego. This year has a purpose. For all the resistance I had inside my heart, I have learned to lean on the resilience within my soul. I am not forcing a resolution. Instead I am welcoming growth.